greetings from asbury park

emily on the boardwalk



pomeranian we met on the boardwalk



(the little dog was very friendly)

long time no sea

Emily's here for the weekend, and tomorrow after brunch we're going to drive out to Asbury Park. I wouldn't be surprised if this is the only time in my however many years at Princeton until I graduate that I go out to the seashore. It is Emily's idea, of course. Hopefully Emily will be able to wake me up in the morning.

Today I toured her round the GC, the Art Museum, Firestone (lobby), and the University Chapel. We had lunch at Panera, shopped for Princeton souvenirs at the U-Store, ran a few little errands (eyedrops for my sore eyes from CVS), and then had dinner at Masala Grill.

After dinner we went to the "virtuoso organist" concert by Mike's aunt at the Chapel. I would never have guessed that a small chamber orchestra and the organ could work together well, neither drowning out the other. There seemed to be some small issues with keeping in tune and synchronized to a beat, but perhaps that was just distortion from the location I was seated. I wasn't sure where to sit in such a big space to find a spot with optimal sound. It was a lovely concert all in all, though, so it was too bad I was so tired.

I had a pretty rough start to the day, and never really felt totally awake. I woke up literally screaming "Help!" very loudly, and in a panic. In my dreams there was a little child who was playing alone with her stuffed animals, and I was watching from afar as a tremendous attack dog prepared to clamp his jaws down on the back of her defenseless little neck. In the moments before that scene I had been in a labyrinthine hospital dressed only in a blue tissue patient gown, with unpleasant people from my past pursuing me with deadly "cures". It was all pretty unnerving. I really hope I sleep better tonight.

some days

Some days it feels like the best thing in the world to be a graduate student.

Other days it doesn't.

This morning I actually woke up really early, feeling perky. Unfortunately it didn't last. Half an hour into my 9 am class I was half asleep. So at the break I dosed myself with coffee, with the usual result--I stayed awake, and got some work done, but had a miserably upset stomach through dinner, and began to feel low once the caffeine started to wear off. Right now I'm just generally cranky, like a kid way past her bedtime, and eating chocolate and Burcak biscuits to try to settle my equally grumbly stomach so that I can go to sleep.

Today at dinner I was talking to one of my friends who is feeling very depressed (internal voice says: you have no friends, you aren't ever going to do anything meaningful, you can't even make any money now, and you'll never be able to help your family), unclear as to why the depression has descended on him right now, and rather hopeless that it will ever go away.

Not sure what can be said to that except "eventually the depression will go away", because that's what you're supposed to say to someone who's depressed--regardless of whether the situation to which they are reacting is ever going to change.

But some days, it really just doesn't feel like anything is ever going to get better.